Too Late?

My little devil and angel

Finally I got around to doing the Halloween pictures. I know it is a little late, but better late than never, right? Halloween was pretty low-key this year. I did a lot more for the holiday last year when I had two brand new infants. Then again, I wasn't teaching preschool or taking a writing class. I have to admit though, two toddlers is busier than two infants!

I have a hard time getting this boy to look at the camera long enough to get a picture! Most of the time his face is just blurry!

Josh Made his costume 100% by himself! I love being married to such a creative man.

Halloween breakfast.

Here is the whole crew ready to trick or treat!

Those who risk their lives

My dad and his sisters

We all have a part to play in this world. Some fulfill their life mission, and some don't. Babies and small children sometimes fulfill their life missions within a matter of minutes, days, or a few years. Some of us take a little longer. And even a few, wish their life mission was already past. This has been on my mind a lot in the past few years. I honestly believe that there is a place for everyone on this earth. I was taught, and fully believe, that all of us can teach each other something. Not all of us will get paid or praised for our life's work, but it all truly matters. 

     Some people were put on this earth to be warriors; whether they wage social, spiritual, or civil wars. It is who they are inside—not even physically, but emotionally. Those individuals stand up when others retreat, and they fight when others would flee. Where would we be without warriors? Well, nowhere. The first predatory animal that came our way, we would have become as extinct as the dodo bird.
            War has been waged throughout the ages, some of it justified, and some not. There have been warriors to fight those battles and I am thankful. I am especially thankful for those individuals that may not have warrior’s blood running through their veins, but they fought anyway. Whether they lived or died, won or lost, their wiliness to do it for the greater good matters. When was the last time you were willing to sacrifice yourself for others? Maybe not even your life, but your pride? Some people put their lives on the front line for us. When was the last time you were willing to be mocked or made fun of, for something that you believed in?
            I am truly thankful today for all of the veterans and all whom have served in the military, war or peacetime. I am thankful for what they sacrificed for our country—my grandfather, father, Uncle, and two brothers especially. I am thankful for the spouses, children and parents whom also sacrifice so much. The veterans of our country’s willingness to sacrifice their lives for me is very humbling.

            How do we repay that sacrifice? I don’t believe that my mission in life is to be on the battle front of wars. But looking at the example of those who serve, gives me the courage to fight the battles in my life that need to be fought. It also helps me to sacrifice myself, and especially my pride, for the greater good. And I feel very blessed that those that give, so unselfishly help to protect my right to follow my heart, to fulfill my life’s mission—whatever that may be.

The pursuit of education

       I am combining a little of what I am thankful for and some scrapbookin' tonight. I am thankful for the pursuit of education. My definition of "education" has changed a lot in this past year. I thought that the more educated one was, the more degrees he could hang on his wall. I have since realized that true education is never a destination. True education is a living, breathing process. I have a bachelors degree and some classes under my belt for a masters.

     I use to be a social worker and was paid for my expert advice and opinions by the government, especially concerning certain individuals, that were assigned to my care. Am I an expert on social norms anymore? I would have to confess, no. Maybe I still know more than the average "Joe" but my proficiency would be lacking. Was my "education" a waste? NO!

     Education is never a waste. See in my formal education what I learned the most, was how to continue to seek an education. A day never passes that I don't read something.  If I need to learn to crochet, or need to know more about grass-fed beef, or home education,  I read, I learn, I practice, I fail, and sometimes I succeed. I also take classes and learn from others who have a passion for what they teach. I love learning and I am so thankful that I have recently discovered that I don't need a university to tell me that I know something. If I want to know something, then I need to seek great mentors through formal, or informal paths. 

       My husband did not have a desire for a formal education when we first met. He struggled through public school, and had been told that college was not for him. He was made to feel inferior, and unintelligent by the very teachers that should have been empowering him and teaching him. I am not sure he would really want me to go into a lot of detail of the events that occurred in his life that led him to believe this, so we will leave that as his story to tell. 

     Yet my story to tell is that shortly after we were married he discovered something in himself. The company that he was working for, at the time, was moving to a new building. He had  a few spare moments so in the computer program paint, yes--the free one that comes on your computer, he sketched up the floor plan for the new building. At the time drafters were in great demand, and I told him that people get paid to do that all day long. He decided to look into it. 

     Shortly after Turner was born, Josh started going to school full time and working full time. Unfortunately the local university didn't have a drafting course he could take at night. We soon discovered that the technical school in our town offered a night drafting course. He completed that program with a lot of effort and dedication. It took him three years of going to school four nights a week, but he stuck to it, and accomplished his goal.

     He didn't want to participate in the graduation ceremony. I convinced him that we needed to celebrate OUR accomplishment! I had worked harder for his trade certificate than I did for my own degree. I sat in the ceremony, and realized that most of our country wouldn't see much significance in a trade school graduation. For us, for our family, it was an amazing feat. No matter how great or how small the world may deem his accomplishments, the accomplishment of his goal was the real prize. 

Getting his metal. That is what they did instead of caps 'n gowns

Showing it off! Doesn't he look thrilled?

Contemplating about what to do with the rest of his life.

Don't we look cute?

The whole lot of us!

Josh and his parents

Smothered with kisses

The whole support team

Now if only the world hadn't changed in the last 5 years and there was employment for drafters still!!!

Computers

     I just got back from my last writing class. It is late and I am so ready for bed. Today was my first day trying to function as an adult again, and it didn't go so well. So today's post is short and sweet. I am thankful for computers. If you know me well, you know that I am a in-person kind of person. I need people, and not just on the screen. Yet, I am a once-you-are-in-my-life-you-are-always-in-my-life kind of person as well. (spell check is not loving that huge word I just made up! Oh well, spell check--deal!) So I am thankful for the computer so that I can keep in contact with family and old friends. I love seeing pictures of all the people that I love.
      I also love writing so I can just put my ramblings out there for all to read. Yes, like April told me, a public journal. The first time that I read a blog that is exactly what I thought, "why would you put this out there for anyone to read?" So, if you think my blog is too intimate, then you would not be invited to read my personal journal. Well, no one is--except my husband who doesn't feel like he should anyway. (What is he afraid of?
A raw look at what I think and feel--that is exactly what he would get!)
     Lastly I love my computer because I love having a wealth of information right at my fingertips. For all of the evil and stupidity that is out there on the internet, there is some great knowledge and information also. So if I ever did become Amish--which I have been tempted to do--I think my computer is the one thing that would be the hardest for me to give up. Love ya girl!

Thankful for twins

     Toop-Toop has seemed to master the kiss this last week. All things social, he tends to be a little behind his overly social sister. He also learned to wave, and say "bye" today. Toop-Toop and Milzy make quite a pair, as she is always saying "hi," and now he says "bye." Yet, the kiss, is by far my favorite accomplishment of the week. Every mother waits for the day when her baby attacks her over and over with those petite kisses. Toop-Toop didn't start with the traditional open-mouth kiss, he went strait to the pucker. My favorite thing is that he hums the ascending kiss hum (the mu of muah) and plants the tiny pucker wherever his face happens to land. He then breaks into this mammoth coat-hanger-smile, knowing that he just did something great.

     Tonight I got to witness what only 1 in 100 other moms get to witness, one twin practicing his kisses on his twin sibling. Milzy wasn't interested in being target practice tonight, which delighted Toop-Toop even more. It also delighted their older siblings. They cheered Toop-Toop on in his menacing pursuits. It was one of those moments that, even though Milzy was a little annoyed, just over-joyed this thankful mother's heart. These are the little moments that family memories are made of. I love being a mom of my four amazing miracles!

3 Followers!

I have 3 followers now! Wahoo!! I love my friends ;)

Feeling blessed!

". . . and their mourning was turned into joy, and their lamentations into the praise and thanksgiving unto the Lord Jesus Christ, their Redeemer." 

     I am so thankful today for women of service. Yesterday after church, my neighbor called, and asked why we weren't there. I explained my current situation. Instantly she asked what she could do to help. She volunteered to take my kids today and bring me dinner. My big boys went there while the twins and I napped for 3 hours this morning! Yes, the babies slept for 3 hours straight! It was such a delight! I woke up a little before the babies and got a shower. It was a slight miracle that I was able to shower myself and so I was feeling a bit beat by the time Toop Toop woke up. I was just holding him for a minute when the same dear neighbor called and said that her sister-in-law, who is also an amazing neighbor, was going to come and pick up the twins and take all my kids to her house for the afternoon. I have been blessed!

     I often find myself on the receiving end of service. It is very hard for me. I watched my mom struggle with the same thing. As a teenager, my mother had some severe trouble with her knees. She has since had both of them replaced. When she started struggling with the pain, it seemed the hardest thing for her was the service being rendered. I thought that was silly because if no one accepts the service, then no one can give it! I have since learned how hard it really is to accept service. I have tried to accept service with a smile on my face, because we all know I have needed it. One time I told a friend who had come over and cleaned my kitchen that I felt bad. She looked at me and said, "I don't want you to feel bad, I want to to feel blessed."  I hope that someday I can be those hands of service to someone in need. I want to bless other people's lives.

Oh the things we take for granted!

     My two followers and my aunt, who reads my blog, I am sure have noticed my absence. I had promised a post everyday in November of something I was grateful for. It isn't that I didn't want to, couldn't find something to be grateful for, or didn't have time. I physically couldn't get to the computer. Even now, the pain in my back is a lot to bear. So it all started last Wednesday when my back started feeling a little sore. This happens to me quite a bit. I have two 20 lb. weights that I frequently swing around. Both of my twins like to be carried around and both refuse, even at the age of 15 months, to walk. My back was bugging me but, it wasn't anything unbearable. I went to bed later that night and woke up sometime in the middle of the night with it hurting quite a bit more. I, so brilliantly, decided that the hard wood floor would make a better bed. I went into the living room and laid on the floor. My sweet husband went to work at 6:30 and I got up off the floor to pray with him. I then proceeded to use the restroom. I noticed that I couldn't pull up my pants without a lot of pain so I decided to make my next brilliant move and lay back down on the floor until my kids woke up.
     A little after 7 I had to use the restroom again but this time, I couldn't get up off the floor. I struggled, strained, and told myself to breath through it. I couldn't do it! I called my mother-in-law, who lives half a block away, and asked her to come over. By the times she came, the babies were in in their cribs crying to get out. She quickly got to work feeding and dressing the babies. My father-in-law also came over and tried to help. They made lunches for us but then had to leave due to some doctors appointments. I was still on the floor. I called a neighbor and she came over with her little girl and took care of the kids, put the babies down for a nap, and tried to help but she was no more successful at getting me off the floor. She had brought over a walker to see if that would help me pull myself up but to no avail. She had to go pick up her son from kindergarten and had to leave around 11:30.
     As I lied on the floor I cried, pleaded and worried. I wondered if I would ever be able to get up. I wondered if I would have to call the paramedics. I worried about my kids. I broke down and called Josh at that time and asked him if he could come home. Shortly before his arrival, my mother-in-law came back. By this time the babies had woken up from their naps and Turner and Max had taken them sippy cups and tuna fish sandwiches. I am sure that was the best crib picnic ever! After an hour of Josh and his mom helping and trying to problem solve I was about ready to give up. By this time, I had been on my back for 7 hours, not including the amount of time I had slept on the floor.
     Finally Cathy (my MIL) got a brilliant idea. She took two couch cushions and stacked them on top of each other. The top one she slanted like a ramp. I was able to roll on top of them. From there Josh and Cathy both grabbed a leg and scooted it under me and I could get on all fours! This was progress, painful progress but progress none the less. The next step was for me to pull myself up to a kneeling position using a dining room chair. Every painful step took abut 5 minutes. I then could pull myself up to the armrests and then I pull myself up to a full kneel with the help of a walker. The pain was too much to bear and I had to go back down to the chair. Finally I worked through it and got up to standing and with Josh's help, I was able to go to the bathroom. I sat down on the toilet and almost passed out because of the pain.
     I have had gallbladder attacks, gallbladder surgery, gone through natural childbirth, a twin pregnancy, and the beginning of a c-section without drugs. This was the most pain I had ever dealt with! My wonderful husband has been the sole caregiver to all 5 of us. In addition to me being down, all four of my kids got a little stomach bug. Josh has had to deal with throw-up and diarrhea! My back pain gets a little better everyday, and I haven't had to use the walker all day today. I am thankful it is getting better but it looks like it is still a long road ahead. The doctor said 2-3 weeks! Holy moley!
     I have had a lot of time to reflect on the things that I am grateful for. First off is my relative-good health. There are those who suffer through chronic pain everyday of their lives. I can't imagine! Second, is modern medicine. I am not a huge fan of meds. or going to the doctor. I try not to do it as much as possible. The doctor I went to see on Friday was the king of clueless doctors, but he could prescribe some ibuprofen and muscle relaxers. They have helped to take the edge off and I am thankful for that. I am also thankful for the walker my friend lent me. Someday I might have to use one of those full time and believe me they help a lot! Third, is my wonderful kids who decided to get sick while mommy was out of commission. Thank you for saving me from this round of vomit and diarrhea! Fourth, and last (for today) is my in-laws. They have brought us dinner twice, took care of my kids on Thursday and have offered a lot of advice and support. I am glad that they are only a phone call away when crisis strikes!
     It has taken me all day to type this so a review isn't on the docket- please forgive my errors! I hope you can understand my drug induced ramblings. Hopefully I will be able to post everyday again!

Stalwart Friends

". . . worship God, in whatsoever place ye may be in, in spirit and in truth; and that ye live in thanksgiving daily, for the many mercies and blessings which he doth bestow upon you." Alma 34:38

In my life right now, I don't have a lot of close friends. Scratch that, it isn't true. I have more close friends than most. I am very blessed in the friend department. What is lacking is geography. Most of my dear friends are far away. I don't have a close friend that lives close. I have a few friends that I can talk to about the weather, her kids, my kids, my lack of a shower that day et cetera, but a true blue, I can show up at your house with all four of my kids, still in pajamas, and cry on your floor for no reason at all, type of friend (just an example because we all know I have never needed that.) Or a friend that we can laugh at nothing until "tears" run down our legs—I have needed that—a lot.

I have often felt alone, and quite honestly forsaken. I have struggled, since I have been married, to feel like I belong somewhere. I know I belong at home with my children but that isn't enough for me. The closeness I had with friends growing up completely spoiled me. My college roommates and the roommates I had after college continued to spoil me. I have been very blessed. Josh is a great companion and provides so much yet, I have felt a void.

I am not saying that I have never felt this before marriage because that wouldn't be true. I have felt it several times in my life. One of those times was the first time I moved to Utah. My freshman year in college had been filled with too much fun, so I moved to Utah to try to get a little more serious about my studies. My sophomore year proved to be the complete opposite of my freshman year. I lived with a friend from home who was going through a very serious internal struggle. She never did open up to me about it, and only years later did I figure out that she was losing her testimony and embracing her alternative sexuality. The other two girls in my apartment were very close, and my ward was very lacking in the friend department. I remember being on the phone crying to my mother that I didn't have a friend at all. My wise mother told me that sometimes we go through times of loneliness, so that we will turn to the Lord for comfort.

I have remembered those words often. Usually as soon as I turn my heart, windows of friendship are opened up to me. Sometimes I still wonder why that hasn't happened yet where I live now, in this season of life, but it hasn't. I am sure it is because I still have so much to learn.

            There Lord has been my one constant friend. I have turned to Him through prayer, fasting and most of all reading the scriptures. Through the scriptures, I have found peace, love and even the friendship that I have so longed for. This is what I am thankful for today: my scriptures.

Elder Richard G. Scott gave a wonderful conference talk that helped put words to my feelings about my scriptures. He stated that "They [scriptures] can become stalwart friends that are not limited by geography or calendar." I have found this to be true in my life. They are the means by which I can have a conversation with my Father in Heaven. The greatest thing is that the advice I receive from them, is always sound and usually emphatically tailored to me. I love arising early, before anyone else is awake, and having such a conversation with my Father in Heaven. 

I am so thankful that I live in a day where I have the Bible and the Book of Mormon. Together there is less room for interpretation by man and more room for precise direction. Every time I want a feast, there is one waiting. As Bonnie D. Parkin calls it, "Fat-free Feasting!" In a time where the world is so full of imitations when it comes to food, philosophy, spirituality, and even friendship (i.e. Facebook), I am grateful to have something real. I am thankful for the scriptures and that I can turn to them when I need a true friend—in my pajamas, on the floor, crying if needs be!

"with thanksgiving let your request be made known"

     "Be careful [JST: afflicted] for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made know unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7
     I have been struggling a lot lately. Mostly due to a very full plate which is unfortunately fixed for the moment. As much as I long to scrape some of it off into the compost bin, I can't. When people comment on the fact that I "must be busy." I usually retort with "Better busy than bored," or "A busy life is a good life." Yet, in reality I do think that there is a point where too busy is not better than bored and too busy is not a good life. I am there. I just happen to have too much on my plate right now physically, mentally, and emotionally. The interesting thing is that the only way I can deal with it is spiritually.
     I read the above scripture this morning and a peace washed over me. Of all the things on my plate, of everything I am worried about, I am counseled to be afflicted for nothing. If I pour my heart out to God in prayer with thanksgiving, His peace will keep my heart and mind. In times of strife and great stress, I am told to be thankful.
     November is one of my favorite months of the year for the very reason that it is the month of Thanksgiving! I am so thankful for the opportunity to focus on what we have and what we have been blessed with. I am going to post something that I am thankful for everyday.

My Amazing husband! (He will kill me if he sees this!)

     Today it is an amazingly wonderful husband. Last night I went to bed with a mind full of things I needed to get done before preschool this morning. I woke up around 3 and couldn't go back to sleep because of everything on my mind. Finally at 4:15 I got up because I was making myself sick with thoughts everything I needed to do. One of those things was clean up the basement. I hadn't touched the basement since our Halloween party at preschool. It was a disaster! I came downstairs and it was all picked up. Not only the school room but the whole basement. There was a huge pile of things that needed to be put away at the bottom of the stairs and it was all gone. The family room was a wreck but it had all been picked up. There were hundreds of foam stickers on the floor from our party and this morning, there was no trace of them. Sometime after I fell asleep, my husband must have got up and quietly came downstairs to do this for me. With tears in my eyes, I knelt down and thanked my Father in Heaven for such a wonderful companion. (I also felt slightly guilty for pushing him away when he tried to cuddle up to me!) 
     Marriage is tough. It is a refiners fire. Sometimes I get very impatient with the process of learning and growth we both go through. Today I am thankful for it. I am so glad that I was given the perfect man for me. Not the man that made my life perfect, but the one that helps me to grow in the ways I need to. No matter how hard married life is sometimes, I am glad that I get to do it with Josh. He is my favorite person to be with!

Because we homeschool

Daddy homeschooln' the babies!

 It didn't take long for me to jump on board when I was being directed to homeschool. I love flexibility. Because we homeschool we can go on vacation anytime we want to!
Because we homeschool, I can start each school day with scriptures and a prayer!
Because we homeschool, we can drop everything and do service when we need to!
Because we homeschool, I can teach history through my ancestors eyes!
Because we homeschool, my kids can learn at their own pace!
Because we homeschool, we can go on fieldtrips whenever the mood strikes us!
Because we homeschool, I can begin each day with a prayer, and ask God to have me teach what they need to learn. That way it isn't my curriculum, it is God's. The schools can try to institute "no child left behind" and all sorts of reading programs or resource. Yet I can really do it! I can make sure that each of my children is getting what they need, when they need it.  That is why when people ask if I am going to continue to teach my children after this year, I say -"probably because we are having so much fun!"

I spy 7 little boys (8 and under) in this 80 sq. foot room! Can you spy them all?

Can't I just throw away this rough draft?

     I have attempted to write a little fiction this week. If I see myself as a writer at all, it would be for sure in the non-fiction genre. I actually started my novel before I began taking my writing class but had got about a paragraph down before I gave up. As of today I have 4 pages (double spaced.) It isn't much but it is enough to take to my critique class tonight. I am sure I have been putting them all asleep with my non-fiction articles.
     I also attempted a whole-wheat pie crust. As I was experimenting with it, I thought of all of the horrible things I have baked over the years and how my skills have improved. Unfortunately my whole-wheat pie crust wasn't a great example of those skills.

It sure looks good though before it baked hu?

     I can throw away a bad novel and start again. I can throw away a burnt pie crust and start again. Have you ever had a day were you just wanted to crumple yourself up, make that three-point shot into the nearby garbage can and move on? Some days I desperately want to do just that.
     I know, I know Anne Shirley says, "Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?" but there are just those days that keep reminding you that those mistakes are real. I try to change--honestly I do but sometimes those changes aren't as easy and making that three-point shot.
     There are those mistakes that I have repented of and moved on, that seem to crop up in my mind and work to convince me that I am really a bad person. What do you do to get those mistakes out of your head? Then there are the mistakes or habits that seem like a life long quest to change. I won't go into detail but mine are many, and daunting. Some days I just want to start over with a custom built me. I want to walk around the showroom and pick out the features that would deliver me from myself. I would load up on more patience, self-mastery, and a whole heap of rational decision making. If I could pick up an improved body and some extra hours for the day I would be set.
     Some days I feel like this rough draft is just not cutting it. I am reminded though that a rough draft is just that. It is meant to be refined and edits can be painful. That is what this life is about right? Keep on going and trying to get it right?

A couple of my favorite art projects!

      I decided that this year when we studied our letters, I wanted to add an art vocabulary word with each letter. It was fun to start off the year with A is for abstract art. It turned out to be very good for my oldest son. He tends to be a little like his mother, and he gets frustrated and gives up if he doesn't think he is good at something. Art has never been his favorite thing and he has always had about a 10 second attention span when it came to drawing, painting, play dough, et cetera . . . When studied abstract art a whole new world opened up to him.
     I know not everyone has the same philosophies when it comes to art but this is mine--it is the process not the product that matters. Children should be able to play at art. Sometimes we throw in crafts where there is a step by step nature to the project but that is not what we do everyday. Even then, I tend to choose projects where there is an opportunity for individuality and art play. So why Buddy has a need to get everything perfect when it comes to art? I am not sure, but he does.
    So when we studied A is for abstract art, we studied Jackson Pollock and Buddy's art world just seemed to open up. When then tried splatter painting (an activity that should only be done outside--my walls and ceiling can attest!) Buddy was in love! He even mentioned at one point, "I could do this all day!" The great thing is, he now draws more and his drawings have become a lot more apparent! It was one of those moments where something really turned out much better than  you could have even hoped!

My next favorite project was our fall leaf painting! This is nothing new or special but I just loved how it turned out. I had the kids paint coffee filters in all the fall colors. After they dried I cut them out in leaf shapes and taped them (with blue painters tape) all over the tree painted on our wall. It as easy, fun, festive, and cheap! I know not everyone has a tree painted on their wall but other uses could be--make a wreath, a garland, tape them in your windows, or just tape them on the wall for a little autumn color inside! I know painting with kids is messy. It is easier for me since I have my school room where I am not concerned with paint getting on the floor. It is so important though so find a spot, be the kitchen table or even the kitchen or bathroom floor! Most important though, make sure it is washable :)

"I don't know how you do it!"

     I use to blend in with the crowd. Having a couple of kids,even close together, was nothing that separated me from the rest of the young moms around here. I could go into a store, grab whatever I needed, and leave without muttering so much as a "yes" when the cashier asked if I found everything I needed. That all changed when I had twins--I like it. Even though it makes going to the store a much longer trip, I enjoy that people talk to me. I enjoy human interaction and some days I don't feel like I get enough, at least of the adult kind. Of course it isn't always at the most convenient time and people usually say the same things. Number one comment I hear on a daily basis is "you sure have your hands full." Second is "I don't know how you do it!"
     When the twins were first born I hated that second comment. In my sleep deprived, shower destitute state I wanted to shout "I am not doing it! Don't you see? I am failing at this!" The thoughts of my fridge that hadn't been wiped out for months and dirty laundry scattered through my house rang in my mind. Couldn't they see that I wasn't cut out for this life? In my opinion there were scads of women who were tougher than me, more organized, more on the ball. Was there something amiss in God's algorithm? Yet, I truly know that it isn't some algorithm that God puts in a bunch of numbers and life just happens. He knows me.
     The women who have harder things to deal with are copious. There are trials of strength for all of us--and we must all figure out how to succeed. Sometimes I wonder, if I succeed at my trials, will it help someone else have the courage to succeed at theirs?
     So now I answer people honestly when they ask me how I do it all. Maybe they aren't truly asking. I am sure most don't want to know, but if you are willing to comment on my life then you better be willing to have me comment back! The two answers I usually give now are 1) Prayer or 2) The grace of God. The bible dictionary, contained in the LDS printing of the King James version of the bible, defines grace as: "... through the grace of the Lord...individuals,..., receive strength and assistance to do good works that they otherwise would not be able to maintain if left to their own means." The first time I read that, I instantly knew how I have been able to get through my life to this point!
     I have gained a new favorite scripture through this last year and a half, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Philippians 4:13) The thing is, God doesn't give us our different trials because he wants to see us fail. He doesn't want us to have a miserable life! Is life hard? YES! Are there days that seem impossible to bear? I would venture to say that there are days completely, relying our own mortal abilities, impossible to bear. That is when we turn to God, plead for his Grace, and rely on His strength.
     I guess this was on my mind this morning because I was praying this morning and asking God to direct my path at this time. He gently reminded me that he has already told me what I need to be doing right now. I again reminded Him that I don't know how it will work.I then got off my knees, flipped through my triple combination (a set of books containing The Book of Mormon, The Doctrine and Covenants, and The Pearl of Great Price, or "The Mormon Books!") and it opened to a well loved verse: "Wherefore, lift up your hears and rejoice, and gird up your loins, and take upon you my whole armor, that ye may be able to withstand the evil day, having done all, that ye may be able to stand." (D&C 27:15) I love that the FIRST  thing He asks us to do is to rejoice! No matter how hard the task, we have reasons to rejoice! My little reasons just woke up so I think I will go be a Mommy now. I hope we all can find reasons to rejoice, no matter how hard the lessons of learning are today!



     

Home-cooking restaurant

     A little background info: Our family loves to go out to eat. My husband in particular loves to go out to eat. As in he would love to go out e-v-e-r-y d-a-y. It is never hard to convince him to go out. I don't know why because his mother and his wife are amazing cooks (yeah I know that is a little vain--but mostly true.) Unfortunately it costs money to go out and eat. That is something we are always in short supply of. Now that I am trying to be careful of what I eat I also wouldn't make a very good dinner companion. Does that mean I will never go out to eat again? No, but if I am going to do this challenge then the next 30 days I probably won't be much fun because I will have to ask "what is this made out of, and what is in that et cetera  . . ."
   So last night I had planned a meal (planning menus in advance is the KEY for our family to not fall to the temptation of eating out.) When I opened my recipe I realized that it was going to take a lot longer to make and cook then I had planned and dinner probably wouldn't be ready till bedtime. I racked my brains to see what else I could make in an instant. I looked in the fridge and saw something amazing. A fridge full of leftovers! We are not very good at eating leftovers at our house. Josh takes them for work the next day sometimes and that is about it. Yet with all my cooking adventures there were some yummy treats in there! I decided though that if we were going to eat leftovers then we needed to spice things up!
     So first thing I went to Josh and asked him for a HUGE favor. I asked him if he would just go along with it and have fun. Make believe isn't something he engages in enough, if you ask me, so I knew this would be a little stretch. Not knowing what "it" was, he quickly agreed to the favor. Next I told him for dinner we were going to play restaurant. A BIG smile came to his face as he thought that meant that we were going to go out to eat. Then I explained  that we were going to eat leftovers but restaurant style. The smile faded but he still agreed.
     To set up the restaurant, I pulled out all the leftovers to see what could be made quickly with them. Then I typed up a cute menu with a picture of the above house on in. Can't a girl dream that it was in her dream house and not in her actual house? Then I quickly whipped up some whole wheat pumpkin bread (recipe can be found on my new favorite website www.100daysofrealfood.com) for dessert. I then lit a candle in the middle of the dining room table, wrapped up four sets of silverware in a napkins and asked Josh to take the boys to the front door. Lastly, I threw on a waiters apron--my husband works in the restaurant industry so we have all sorts of fun things like that. (You know the dishcloth looking thing with ties?) I was ready for action.
    I welcomed them into the house, gave them menus and asked what they wanted to drink. I brought out their choice of milk or water and then took their orders. I then brought out paper and crayons for the kids and some homemade bread and grapes and carrots for the "munch" food. I quickly heated everything up and served them their entree choice. While we were eating my 5 year old exclaimed "I love this restaurant!" It was a fun healthy night had by all. And even though we still had to do some dishes, there weren't that many so it almost felt like we had really gone out out eat.
   

Am I brave enough?

     My writing class has been taking up all of my free computer time lately. Well, really between homeschooling, teaching preschool, taking a writing class, raising four kids, being a wife, teaching at church, trying to keep up with laundry, meals and breathing--I am just a little bit overextended! Halloween is around the corner and am I ready? No! I haven't even started their costumes or decorated yet. But, I always say--"A busy life is a good life!"
     So in the middle of this craziness I have been having some health issues. Have I gone to the doctor . . . um . . . I need to. So I don't feel comfortable discussing them until I really know what is going on. (Then why did you bring it up?) I know right? It is because in doing a little research I have really felt the need to get back to the basics with my (and my family's) eating habits. Once upon a time I cut out white flour, white rice, and white sugar and I was much healthier. I have been wondering if I could do that again with my family, but cut out overly processed foods all together. Natural, real, food. My friend directed me towards a blog www.100daysofrealfood.com and I have been LOVING it!
     I love to make food from scratch anyway--bread and treats are almost always homemade. So when I stumbled upon whole wheat flour tortillas I thought I would give it a try. I love tortillas and I love whole wheat but I have never loved whole wheat tortillas . . . until NOW! Oh so good. I have also made refried beans, yogurt, and cheese crackers. I am spending more time in the kitchen, but I am so happy with the results!
     On this blog she asks people to commit to eating whole food for 10 days. I really want to try it for 30. Am I brave enough to do this right at the holidays? That is what I am thinking about right now--give me a week to totally wrap my mind around it. Am I tough enough (nod to the 90's)?

Warning: *UNDER CONSTRUCTION*

I am under construction! With the first year of twins under my belt, with four under four a thing of the past, and with my husband finally done with school, I have decided to focus a little bit on me. Focusing on myself doesn't come easy with so many other things vying for my attention but I need to make sure that I am the mom I want my kids to have. I want to model to my children that this life is to learn and that doesn't stop with a diploma in your hands. I have decided to take some writing classes through the community education program for my county. I love writing, but I usually just write what is going through my head without any structure, depth or proper punctuation. I have learned in my class so far that commas and I don't get along very well. I love having a night off once a week and being able to associate with other adults. My biggest problem is that my mind has turned to mush! I rarely can think of the right words! It is frustrating, but I have hope that exercising my brain will start it working right again.Watch out world, this blog might get a little bit more depth to it! (And a lot more commas.)

First day of Preschool in pictures!

Our school room 2011-2012

My Little Moochie

Buddy!

Miss Milzy

Toop Toop

"Momma don't let your babies grow up..."

AT ALL!!! So we have had a lot of changes around our house this last week. My husband has been going to school at least part time since our first child was less than 3 months old. He has been gone at least two nights but usually 4 nights a week since that time. It took him a little while to know exactly what he wanted to do with his life but he realized he had a love for drafting, did the program at the local technical college at night AFTER working all day to support our quickly growing family. Alas though, a week ago my husband finally finished his last requirement at the DATC! I am so proud of him! Many of men would have given up and said that it was too hard to support a wife and four kids and go to school at the same time but he didn't, he stuck to it and now he finished! Our little Moochie decided that at {almost} 3 1/2 that his is a big boy and will no longer be needing the services of Huggies or his parents to change him several times a day. That is right folks, we now have 2 big boys and only two of our kids still in diapers! Potty training at this age is really the best. I know I had to spend extra money on diapers and time changing them but really who can beat a sit down chat about how it is time to use the toilet and the voila the next day we succeed? He has had one poop accident and one pee accident but it has been almost a week so I can't complain about that one. We officially started out new homeschool routine and now Buddy is officially a kindergartener. But the last change is the one that I am having a hard time with. Today was the first time in over 13 months that I didn't nurse Toop toop and Milzy.

I NEVER thought that I would be able to nurse twins. I remember one of my friends had twins and she was saying how she tried to nurse them but it just wasn't working. I replied, "well, that is better than me! If I ever had twins there is no way in the world I would try to nurse them!" Well, a couple of years later I was now in her shoes and since I had successfully nursed two singletons, I thought that I better give it a try. After my c-section I was so tired though so it was tough. I remember the lactation consultant came into my room and noticed that I had a sore spot on my nipple and mentioned that I must have latched one of the babies wrong. I explained that I had fallen asleep and the babies latch slipped causing the sore. The lactation consultant then stated that it is very hard for c-section mom's to nurse because they fall asleep so easy. I pumped every day and tried to latch the babies everyday but my milk doesn't come in for 5 days postpartum. The nurse sent us home with a lot of formula and I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to nurse. But my milk came in and I "gave it that good 'ol college try." I nursed and pumped. I nursed tandem and single to see which was a better fit. I was so thankful for the experience I had already had to nurse because I knew that I didn't have to have it all figured out and that it might take a little while. If it wasn't working and I ended up giving them a bottle, I just made sure to pump so I could build my milk supply back up. It only took about a week after my milk came in and they were solely nursing! It wasn't too much longer and they wouldn't even take a bottle.

I finally figured out that it worked best for me to nurse individually and I was so thankful that my babies were speed nursers! It only took 20 minutes to nurse both of them. We did it that way for probably about 6 months until they were better at latching and I decided to try to tandem nurse again. That worked great when we were home and I loved that they always reached out for each other and played with each others hands. I loved nursing individually also because it gave me some one on one time with each of them. I love the sitting and rocking that nursing forces you to do and when you are a busy mother, I really needed that.

After being tied down to two babies for over 13 months and having to plan our dates after they went to bed; after being the only one that could give them milk and after breast enlargement, hormone spikes, sore nipples, mastitis, leaky breasts, not to mention all of the biting that one little one did. etc... you would think that tonight I would be throwing a party! Today was the first day I haven't nursed the twins. That is right we are officially weaned. I use to think if I made it 6 weeks I would be so proud. I then set a goal for 3 months, then 6 then 9 and finally a year. But here I am at 13 months and feeling a little blue about the whole thing. I guess those of you that might be reading this, might be thinking, then keep nursing!! And I guess that would be good advice. I read how sad everyone is that is sending their kids off to kindergarten and I keep thinking, then don't! But they do have to grow up don't they? No matter what it is that changes, the changes happen. I didn't feel sad the first night my husband was home or the fist day I went without changing a poopy diaper for Moochie. I am happy at the prospect of having my body back (and hoping to take care of it a little better) for a little while but I guess nursing is one of those things about motherhood that at the time seems like a chore but when you look back, it is really one of those things that allows you to have sweet special moments with you babies and I hope that those tender moments aren't forgotten. (But I also hope that I don't dwell solely on those and then in turn tell every young mother how this is the best time of their lives and that they should enjoy every moment and thereby making all young mothers around me feel guilty because sometimes it doesn't feel like the best time of their lives. I hope I don't forget how hard it is some days and think poorly of a mom with young kids that loses her patience with them. I hope I always compliment mother's with little kids instead of telling them how I would do it if I were them thereby telling them that they are doing it all wrong... just sayin'!)
*Disclaimer: I hope that no one reads this and feels guilty in any way if the didn't/couldn't/or chose not to nurse. I know it is very hard and for some people it  just doesn't work! It is a very private decision- I just feel though that it is my right to express how I feel at the close of this chapter in my life.