Thankful for internal peace.
I have experienced three very different types of birth with my four kids. I sometimes wish I was like other women that have four kids and they “know” what birth is like for them. I on the other hand have had three very unique experiences. My oldest was a I-want-a-natural-birth-but-I-am-not-opposed-to-an-epidural birth plan. I didn’t think I needed to prepare at all for this birth. I thought I could just be “tough enough” and if I was tough enough then I could do it without drugs. I knew nothing about the stages of birth or what it might help me be “tough enough.” I ended up with an IV drug and an epidural an hour before he was born. My last birth was an I-am-high-risk-with-twins-so-I-will-do-whatever-the-Dr-thinks-is-best birth. This birth ended up in a very traumatic emergency c-section.
Giving birth to my second baby though was THE MOST EMPOWERING event of my whole life. Because of my first birth I had decided that I would prepare for a natural birth. I honestly didn’t do much except read the book HypnoBirthing by Marie Mongan. I won’t go into all of the amazing things that I learned but the number one thing I learned was that my body was made for birth and that I needed to trust it. (A lesson I instantaneously forgot when I allowed fear in two years later when I heard my Dr. say, “Having twins is a high risk pregnancy.” The great thing is that I have remembered and I am more empowered than ever—but that is another post for another time.)
I delivered Max in a hospital but with as little intervention as possible. The Dr. said would let me deliver with little intervention as long as I got a picc line. I relented on this account and proceeded
to have an awesome natural birth.
It was a snowy evening at the end of March. It was around 10 pm when I started feeling contractions that were just a little different than incessant Braxton hicks. I labored at home for a little bit but then started thinking that my water broke (I think I actually just peed a little without knowing—oh the joys of being 9 months pregnant.) So Josh and I decided to go to the hospital to check it out. My contractions were about 5 minutes apart at this time. I went in, they admitted me, and I snuggled in—listening to the hypnosis on my ipod. My contractions started slowing down so I stopped listening to the hypnosis, thinking that maybe I was getting too relaxed.
The nurse came in and said, “well your contractions are slowing down.”
“yeah, I know” I shamefully admitted. I was afraid they were going to send me home or hook me up to Pitocin.
“Well, for most women we would use pit but since you want to go naturally, there is something else we can try.” She left the room and swiftly returned with a blanket from the warmer. She put a warm blanket across my chest, and like magic, my contractions returned and progressed into a good rhythm. Because of the snow my Dr. decided to come into the hospital. He came in and broke my water and hooked me up to the monitor for a while. He kept looking at my contractions. I just laid there, went inside and focused on what my body was naturally doing. At one point he did an exam while I was having a contraction (It is pretty uncomfortable by the way.)
After he left the nurse went with him. She came back in shaking her head. She then told me that he did that exam because he didn’t think that my contractions were really as strong as the monitor said they were because I was so peaceful.
I found that I was the most comfortable in the rocking chair. I labored there for who knows how long. The nurse did say that she didn’t want to deliver the baby in the rocking chair so if I felt like he was coming then I needed to hop back up into the bed. As soon as I felt like I needed to get back into bed she went to check me. “I have got to push and I have got to push RIGHT NOW!” I exclaimed and then proceeded to push. The nurse frantically paged the Dr. I then lost all confidence that I could do this. I told Josh, I can’t do this. He then told me that the baby’s head was out and I WAS doing this. That helped me to regain my confidence, push again, and a few minutes later, our precious Max entered this world.
I found that during my natural childbirth, drawing inside and tapping into my internal strength was very powerful for me. My spirit, mind, and body were able to work together for a common purpose. As I drew within, my fear left. There was never room enough in my head for fear and faith. I had to go inside to tap into that faith, that trust, and that confidence. As I let go of my fear, specifically my fear of pain, there was no pain.
That is where I have been this last month—internal. Over a month ago I went to see a homeopathic nutritionist to help me on my health journey. I have cut out: Gluten, soy, sugar, cow-dairy, corn, peanuts, tuna, and shell fish. I have so much more to say about all of this. This journey has been a really empowering. I will write more, but for today, the message is—I am so thankful that our Heavenly Father gave us so much power. It is in us, all of us. If we tap into our inner strength there is power beyond measure.