“Dang
it!” I exclaimed as I stepped out of the dressing room onto the deck of the
pool. It never ceased to amaze me that I could make it to the pool well before
6am and still have every lane double occupied. It didn’t happened often—but it
always annoyed me when it did! Okay, not every-single-lane was double filled, I
just couldn’t bring myself to split lanes with super-fast, Mr. GQ, rock-hard
abs. Call me judgmental if you want, I am sure he is the nicest guy in the
world. I just didn’t feel comfortable slipping into his lane with him. I don’t
have super control over my body, and swimming in a straight line can sometimes
prove to be difficult. He wasn’t one I felt super comfortable bumping into.
I
decided to swim laps in the leisure pool. The leisure pool consisted of a very
shallow area with a water play structure, a water slide with a four foot deep
area to land in, and a “lazy river.” I could swim diagonal from the area at the
end of the slide to the area in front of the “lazy river” and it seemed as if
it was almost the same length of the 25 meter lap pool. It wouldn’t be deep,
but I didn’t need it to be deep to swim laps.
I
started out in front of the lazy river. The current coming out of it made me
feel like I was almost saying still. I kept going and pushed through. On the
way back, I glanced across the pool through my goggles and marked my target. I
pushed off the side with my feet and propelled myself forward. My arms sliced
through the water and pulled me through the liquid. I didn’t have the black
lane line to contrast with the blue water. Besides, the leisure pool always
seemed murkier—even with my goggles. I love the feel of flying through the
water, the way it surrounds me like a huge hug. I love feeling the energy buzz
through my legs as I kick faster and fast. I love feeling my arms parting the water pulling me forward.
My mind
wandered as it usually does while I swim laps. I love the time to block out
everything else and just get in tune with myself, and with God. My hand hit the
deck and I pulled myself out of the water. I was off—very off from where I had
intended to end up.
I tried
again. The current from the leisure pool carried me off course. There had to be
a way to fight the current without having a black line to lead me straight.
This time, as I kicked off across the pool, I didn’t mark my target above the
water, I marked it under the water. The only thing I could see through the
murkiness was the pool light. If I concentrated on the light hard enough, I
could make it to my target. I was excited as my hand hit the deck, I grabbed
hold and pulled myself to standing. As I did, my hands stayed above my target
on the deck, but my feet were swept out from under me by the current.
I had
noticed before that the current took me to the wrong target, but I didn’t
realize how strong it was. Focusing on the light was the only way I could make
it to my target. Alone with my thoughts
again as I swam, I realized that my experience in the pool paralleled life.
I has
recently been swept off course by the currents of the world. When I had decided
to focus my energy on healing my body, I knew it wouldn’t be a “weight loss
journey.” I did think, and probably hope, that weight loss would be part of it.
Yet when I wrote my post “Frustrated.” My frustrations were mainly about not
having the scale go down. God gave me this amazing and beautiful body. I
honestly believe that if I am taking good care of it, he doesn’t care what the
scale says. Yet, the world cares a lot about what the scale says. There are “healthy”
weight ranges, clothing that only fits certain sizes, opportunities to those
that “fit” in a certain setting, and my number one—more people listen to you if
you aren’t overweight.
I’m not
dogging a healthy weight people. I know there are a lot of increased risks with
being overweight. I just have to remember that it is the HEALTHY part that
matters—not the weight part. For me, a lot of it has to do with pride. If I am
losing weight, people notice, people comment, my ego gets stroked and I feel
better about myself. What if for a single minute, I worried more about what
Christ thought about the way I was treating my body?
I am exercising, I am eating
healthier, I am more active, I am participating in my children’s lives more, I
feel better. I have a long way to go—yes, but I KNOW Christ doesn’t see that.
My Father in Heaven only cares about one thing—that I am headed in the right
direction. I know I am headed in the right direction, and that is all that
matters! If I stay this size forever but I taking care of my body, that is all
that matters!!
I know that God knows me, He loves
me, He wants the best for me. I know that he doesn’t judge the number on the
scale or the size printed on the inside of my t-shirt. He doesn’t care about
the ways you don’t feel like you measure up either. His scale, His ruler are
His own. 1 Sam 16:7 “For man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord
looketh on the heart.”
Keep your eyes on The Light (Christ)—don’t
be swept off course by the currents of the world.
