Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Focusing on the light

 “Dang it!” I exclaimed as I stepped out of the dressing room onto the deck of the pool. It never ceased to amaze me that I could make it to the pool well before 6am and still have every lane double occupied. It didn’t happened often—but it always annoyed me when it did! Okay, not every-single-lane was double filled, I just couldn’t bring myself to split lanes with super-fast, Mr. GQ, rock-hard abs. Call me judgmental if you want, I am sure he is the nicest guy in the world. I just didn’t feel comfortable slipping into his lane with him. I don’t have super control over my body, and swimming in a straight line can sometimes prove to be difficult. He wasn’t one I felt super comfortable bumping into.

               I decided to swim laps in the leisure pool. The leisure pool consisted of a very shallow area with a water play structure, a water slide with a four foot deep area to land in, and a “lazy river.” I could swim diagonal from the area at the end of the slide to the area in front of the “lazy river” and it seemed as if it was almost the same length of the 25 meter lap pool. It wouldn’t be deep, but I didn’t need it to be deep to swim laps.
               I started out in front of the lazy river. The current coming out of it made me feel like I was almost saying still. I kept going and pushed through. On the way back, I glanced across the pool through my goggles and marked my target. I pushed off the side with my feet and propelled myself forward. My arms sliced through the water and pulled me through the liquid. I didn’t have the black lane line to contrast with the blue water. Besides, the leisure pool always seemed murkier—even with my goggles. I love the feel of flying through the water, the way it surrounds me like a huge hug. I love feeling the energy buzz through my legs as I kick faster and fast. I love feeling my arms parting  the water pulling me forward.
               My mind wandered as it usually does while I swim laps. I love the time to block out everything else and just get in tune with myself, and with God. My hand hit the deck and I pulled myself out of the water. I was off—very off from where I had intended to end up.
               I tried again. The current from the leisure pool carried me off course. There had to be a way to fight the current without having a black line to lead me straight. This time, as I kicked off across the pool, I didn’t mark my target above the water, I marked it under the water. The only thing I could see through the murkiness was the pool light. If I concentrated on the light hard enough, I could make it to my target. I was excited as my hand hit the deck, I grabbed hold and pulled myself to standing. As I did, my hands stayed above my target on the deck, but my feet were swept out from under me by the current.
               I had noticed before that the current took me to the wrong target, but I didn’t realize how strong it was. Focusing on the light was the only way I could make it to my target.  Alone with my thoughts again as I swam, I realized that my experience in the pool paralleled life.
               I has recently been swept off course by the currents of the world. When I had decided to focus my energy on healing my body, I knew it wouldn’t be a “weight loss journey.” I did think, and probably hope, that weight loss would be part of it. Yet when I wrote my post “Frustrated.” My frustrations were mainly about not having the scale go down. God gave me this amazing and beautiful body. I honestly believe that if I am taking good care of it, he doesn’t care what the scale says. Yet, the world cares a lot about what the scale says. There are “healthy” weight ranges, clothing that only fits certain sizes, opportunities to those that “fit” in a certain setting, and my number one—more people listen to you if you aren’t overweight.
               I’m not dogging a healthy weight people. I know there are a lot of increased risks with being overweight. I just have to remember that it is the HEALTHY part that matters—not the weight part. For me, a lot of it has to do with pride. If I am losing weight, people notice, people comment, my ego gets stroked and I feel better about myself. What if for a single minute, I worried more about what Christ thought about the way I was treating my body?
I am exercising, I am eating healthier, I am more active, I am participating in my children’s lives more, I feel better. I have a long way to go—yes, but I KNOW Christ doesn’t see that. My Father in Heaven only cares about one thing—that I am headed in the right direction. I know I am headed in the right direction, and that is all that matters! If I stay this size forever but I taking care of my body, that is all that matters!!

I know that God knows me, He loves me, He wants the best for me. I know that he doesn’t judge the number on the scale or the size printed on the inside of my t-shirt. He doesn’t care about the ways you don’t feel like you measure up either. His scale, His ruler are His own. 1 Sam 16:7 “For man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.”

Keep your eyes on The Light (Christ)—don’t be swept off course by the currents of the world.  


  1. I love the gospel parallel here. Love you!

  2. Just a few minutes ago, I was wondering whether you'd posted recently because I love your posts! I, too, am working on getting back on track with my own health stuff--and this is such a great reminder to me.

    Also, I love your "focus on the light" story--for reasons not having to do with body image today. What a great reminder. I love how every day occurrences can strengthen our testimonies. Thank you for sharing!

  3. I think you're a freakin' Rock Star!!! Period.

  4. I love the part about Mr. Serious GQ Ab man! I cracked up! Can't believe you didn't want to split the lane with him!

    Such a sweet reminder for us all to keep our eye on the goal! Love it. Jess was telling me again last night about something he learned from a cute grandpa man that has changed his life. The man was talked about how he doesn't set definitive goals, or timelined destinations, but instead he has only one goal for all things: MOTION daily. Whether it's scripture reading, flossing teeth, or tracking your budget once a week. The goal is only motion, any amount even in the smallest, cheat-est bit, and it counts as a win. Jess has had tremendous success withthis plan. And, he says the sneaky part is that getting started is the hardest part, if you can get yourself that far your golden.

    And, I'm not sure how this relates anymore. But, I when I was reading I thought of this conversation I had with Jess..... Alas, I'm a rambler, who needs to go make dinner!! ;)


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