Sunday, August 26, 2012

Nice to meet you self!

         It seems like we have had a perpetual illness at our house. It has been one thing after another for the last couple of weeks. Last night we found ourselves with two big boys burning with fever, one of puking all over the wall of the bathroom. Why he couldn't turn his head and make it into the toilet is a mystery that will never be solved. So I quickly called my co-teacher of our little 3-4 year old sunbeam {Sunday school} class and informed her I wouldn't be able to teach today. This is the same place I was two weeks ago for the same reason. Except today we woke up all healthy. I debated whether we should still go to church but thought we better err on the side of not infecting 300+ people with the unseen germs we maybe harboring. This has been why I haven't been blogging at all! I did spend sometime today reading the conference Ensign, and catching up on reading blogs. It was time well spent I felt like I spent time with God today. I felt like I spent time having God speak to me through other people. There was one particular blog I found that made me remember who I am. 
          Who I am has been on my mind a lot lately. It seems like some people never lose sight of who they are. Some of us have to discover ourselves as an old friend over and over again. A few months ago I took my kids to the aquarium in Sandy UT and ran into a friend from AZ that I hadn't seen in over a decade. She and I had both relocated to Utah, gotten married and had four kids. It was a great reunion. She had just had her fourth baby. I enjoyed catching up and hugging on her little one. We talked about how busy it was to keep up with a bunch of little ones, and how stressful life can get sometimes. She mentioned that she had posted a FB status a while ago that read, "Lost:a young woman named Holly. She has been missing for about 7 years. She was known by many to have a love of bookstores, scrap booking, reading, crafting, fashion and among many other things cooking. Possible alias': Mom, wife, I want, and I need. If you have any clues on where to find her please contact Mom or one of the other alias' immediately." I could relate!  This time of life is so crazy! Yet, feeling like you have lost yourself can lead to depression and depression can lead to not being able to be a good wife and mom. I did a research paper on maternal depression in college. I don't remember everything I learned, but I did learn that it wasn't good for your kids (specific I know!!)
          So a few weeks ago I went on a search for Tiffany. My husband and I had asked my parents at the beginning of the year if they could come out and stay with the kids for a few days while we went on a anniversary trip. We didn't know where we would go, we just wanted to get away for a few days. Then in June my husband got a new job {YAY!!} We were very excited except for the fact that it now meant that we wouldn't be able to get out of town due to not having any vacation days now. So we decided that we would get a hotel by his office, and do a little stay-cation! The thing I was most excited about was having two day by myself while he went to work. I was really excited for the one on one time too--don't get me wrong. But I hadn't been alone like that in a long long time. If you know me, then you know that I don't really like being alone but let me tell you--everyone needs it once in a while. 
        I was really interested to know what I would do when I had absolutely nothing that I had to do.  I went and got my hair cut, worked out, napped, put on make-up and did my hair, read and did my favorite thing of all--I went to Barnes and Noble and just looked at books! It was a very nice couple of days. The time away from my children (knowing they were in the best hands--their grandparents) was refreshing. It made me miss them like crazy! Yet having that break helped me to be refreshed in my zeal towards being the best mom ever--for them. I remembered that I am a right brained creative person with a love of art. I remembered that I am someone who loves feeling good about myself. I remembered that I love the scriptures and my relationship with God. I remembered that I love people, especially children. I remembered that I LOVE water! I love to drink it, swim in it, hearing it fall . . . anything to do with water. I remembered that I am a free spirit. 
         I found a blog today written by a woman that is truly inspirational to me! The way she writes speaks straight to my heart. I read what she wanted for her kids and I loved feeling like someone was writing what was written on the pages of my heart. It is time to take what I learned from finding myself and translate that into what I want while raising my family, and what my goals are for home school. Maybe someday I will completely know whom I am and my life mission, or maybe I can just have joy in the journey of getting reacquainted with myself over and over agian!


  1. Isn't that a great cycle? I'm the same way, only I just keep redefining myself as the years pass, adding things that I "wished I were" and dropping things I never really liked about myself. Maybe by the time I die I'll have a clue as to who I am!

  2. How fun! Your parents are awesome! I love my kids but a break to relax is definitely wonderful (and needed).


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